My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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