I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
