my phone needs a breathalizer
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
