...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
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the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
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I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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