you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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