ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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