He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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