i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
