she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
