the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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