Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
