So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
