His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
