I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
