you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
