Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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