good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
