It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
