spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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