I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
