I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
false alarm, still single
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