dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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