last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
