people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
