This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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