My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
