I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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