Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
