I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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