why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
