Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
