i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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