Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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