I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
