ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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