I'm passing your future prison.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
