At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
