he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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