i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
zippers are such a cool invention
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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