the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize