i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
