It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
