Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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