shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you would pick up someone in the library
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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