I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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