So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
