: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
