So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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