also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
