Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
