I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
