why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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