we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
