Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
