smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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