I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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