I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
