I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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