my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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