I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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