just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
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The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
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My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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