Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
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