You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
