I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
