We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
