I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
