Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
