I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
