yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
