its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
