everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
