We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
