can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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